last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
