Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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