Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
