the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
