hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
How does it feel to date your dad?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
