Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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