This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you inspire me to be a worse person
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
