Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
