We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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