Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
