***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
