No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
