I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
