I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
