I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
