Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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