I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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