you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
