insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
