The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
zippers are such a cool invention
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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