shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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