my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I FOUND THE LEGS
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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