in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
