Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
