I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
