dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
