I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize