can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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