and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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