I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
