She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
