Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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