Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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