we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
