it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
