I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
3pm strippers are depressing
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
