i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
