Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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