dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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