half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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