Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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