no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize