Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
