Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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