chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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