Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
