Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
