it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
