i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize