So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
