She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
