Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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