i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
