Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She's the barista slut.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
