I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
