Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
