Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
