I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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