I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
