In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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