My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I need to sanitize my soul.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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