Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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