it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
