I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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