I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
