I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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